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A wife is watching a cooking show.

The husband walks in and says "Why are you watching a cooking show? You don't even know how to cook!"

The wife replies, "Well you watch porn..."

Mmmmm calzooooone
I want to be in a relationship with calzones. So 😍😍

Has been a while since I ate meatbuns. Guess I'm gonna ask my sister to buy one next to her school.

Which do you prefer?

Croissant ordinaire or Croissant au beurre?

I want unhealthy snacks

Trump has treated the American people, broadly speaking, as sh**-eating dumbasses, but his base of support there may not last; more specifically, he is treating Congress as sh**-eating dumbasses, and even more specifically, he is treating Republicans in Congress as sh**-eating dumbasses. He is acting in ways that are so obviously corrupt that they cannot be hidden, and then giving obviously false explanations for his behavior, on the assumption that the Republicans in Congres... read more

when the microwave going off like world war II so you take ur food out and is still cold smh

Know what grinds my gears? When you come to a nice little place, the working staff is nice, the food is nice, but menu's not to your "liking", nothing springs your taste buds, so you start mocking the place for whatever.
I DON'T CARE how "sarcastic and dark" or sh** your personality is. Has the restaurant done anything to warrant you talking badly about it? No. Then, please, by all means, SHUT UP! Don't you f***ing have any table manners?!

Ice cream rant #3: What the f*** is REAL ice cream? Just because you're used to your kind of ice cream from your happy little place (well, country. And not Italy, if that's what you're all thinking about), doesn't mean ice cream from other countries is bad. Should have just stayed there if you don't like it here. You don't like it? Your f***ing problem. Shove the "have you ever tasted REALL ice cream??" up your a**, DAD and stop badmouthing other places.

im a fcking whale with acne 🐋

Eating my woes in a bowl of cereal.

people who eat the bruises on fruit break my heart honestly

I'm starving. I'm starving for really food and every little thing that makes me wait extra seconds for my meal makes me snappy. Even someone casually asking me "do you want ice cream?" NO. I don't want your f***ing ice cream. I don't care how hot it is outside. Take your Ice cream and shove it up your a**. I want REAL food.

We have a LOT of ice cream places in the town, it's YOUR problem for not liking any of them. So if you want to go out exclusively for an ice cream (which is only you, btw. Half the family don't give sh** about ice-cream - we'd rather have cakes or pastries or an actual food) then stop being picky and stop looking for coffee shops that has a wide verity or ice cream flavors. Coffee shops aren't there for ice cream.

I'm really hungru and I'm not going grocery shopping til tomorrow

If grapefruit didn't taste like sh**, I'd be shrinking my f***ing waistline like it's nobody's business!

Tonight I am eating potato and pea samosas and a salad with chickpeas, black beans, corn salsa and grilled tofu. What am I doing.

I hate food. I didn't eat yesterday so I was on a good path for the hunger to go away but I couldn't control myself today and I ate 3oz chicken breast, 1/4 of a cucumber, 6 grape tomatoes and a melba toast cracker. And I had another Coke Zero. OMG I feel so awful. I feel like I should try to throw it up, although I am not bulimic, I just wish I hadn't eaten.

I had to spend my grocery money for an uber in order to get to work on time. I guess next week is going to be a diet esq week. If i decrease my food this week i can make it last. :)

Häagen-Dazs® Shops Celebrates a Buzz-worthy Free Cone Day on May 9, 2017

Häagen-Dazs dedicates Free Cone Day to some of its hardest workers - the bees -

and encourages fans to join in support of these vital pollinators.

Visit participating Häagen-Dazs Shops in the United States between 4 p.m. and 8 p.m. on

Tuesday, May 9, 2017 to receive one free scoop of ice cream or

sorbet in a cup, sugar cone or cake cone.