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sometimes the mistakes I've made creep back into my mind and I always have a hard time shaking them away. I'm living with the consequences of my mistakes everyday and all I can do is try to fix them. Its not over yet so I just have to not f*** up anymore. I'm just so f***ing disappointed in myself. The future I had was basically paved for me and completely f***ed it. Now the pressure is setting in, the time I have feels short, and my options are limited. I thought i would be ... read more

I don't think I just say. Where's the wrong in that. Join society and obey what they demand me is right? No. I'll rather sit on my own then take society's advice from the right and wrong #thoughts

I'm angry. Im mad that i cant sleep, because my mom and step dad never do. They get up at mid night and time after to do things and are loud while they do the. My living situation makes sleeping when they are awake hard. When they come home they are loud, which is at night. If i sleep before they come home i wake up too early and wont be able to function at my new evening job. But its only when im asleep that a barely give a f*** about them. I understand my irritation, anger,... read more

I just need to get my emotions and thoughts in check. The more I talk about them the more I understand them.

Getting my financial aid cut was....scary. My first semester I failed 3/5 classes. Anything I say about my first semester performance is just an excuse. Moving on to my second semester I passed all 4 classes, but earned a D in one. The D doesn't matter though, I'm pretty sure It would've gotten cut with a C anyway. I needed all A's but I failed. So I um.....decided I ... read more

I'm lost. I have an ex boyfriend who chanced my life...for the worst. He was amazing and everything a girl could ask for. Then we started bickering back and fourth a lot. Then it turned into an everyday thing to argue. One day i was supposed to go over to his house, so we could talk everything out, because after all we were in love and we wanted things to go back to happily ever after. But the night I was supposed to head over, I got all ready, grabbed my carefully constructe... read more

I never know what i think about life, like the future of my life and what i want to do. My thoughts are usually scattered so it helps talking like this to bring them together in 1 place. So here goes....

At the moment i dont want to do anything. I dont want to try new things and i dont want to do the things im doing now. So where does that leave me? No where. A person with no passion for anything confused on what to do next. I'm only 18, i have time to figure out what i want... read more

I need to grow a ego.i'm sick of people thinking its ok to walk all over me. Stop treating me as if im not equal to you just because im nice. Why does a simple greeting and smile give you the right to treat me like sh**. The thing i want starting new year is confidence. I want to be completely sure of EVERYTHING i do. I want to be able to look at everyone i meet and say "hey, this is me. If you don't like it too bad".

Why is it that even though my problems are small they always drag me down? I once tried to tackle all these problems and failed spectacularly. So when i have to deal with them i just feel submissive and kind of bitter. I think to myself what's the point in trying...i'm just sick of this sh**. Knowing that it'll get better an/or people has it worse doesn't do a dam thing for me. Unless i experience hell i can't apperciate the "heaven" im in.f*** time and f*** this


I think that humans are idiots.
But even as idiots, they do their best to improve themselves and become better.
For me, that part of them is very, very attractive.


I need to pick a new f***ing hobby. I decided to work with 3d design. It's something i've always been on and off with, but i enjoyed the times i did it. I want to work with buildings and i love video games so i guess i'll make maps for video games. This is the trade off i've been looking for. I'll go to school and get my associates for Engineering while also mastering this. If there is some way in hell i could make a little money for doing this i can quit my part time job and... read more

Id like to know if anyone has any ideas about if my boyfriend has any disorders or anything, or what you think he might have?My boyfriend called me at 2:30 am crying. He told me he couldn't sleep. When I asked why he couldn't explain it. Over the span of an hour, I listened to him cry, tell me that he couldn't sleep because he was hot (then proceeded to tell me that's not why he couldn't sleep), tell me he couldn't sleep because people were killing each other (which took a wh... read more

Just my thoughts in writing

What the f*** is wrong with you know? You have a job, your in college, your healthy, you have somewhere to sleep, you have plenty to eat, you have AC, you have dam near everything you want. You worked your f***ing a** off for all of those, but you want more. Now you want a hobby that would be cool to have, like dancing or beatboxing. The hobby you want most of all is game design. You want to make a kickass game but never will cuz of "wor... read more

I have a notebook, but i don't know what to use it for. I just know that i don't want to use it for drawing. What should i do?
#notebook #journal #thoughts #help

Im pretty sure I have an eating disorder although I don't want to believe it so I laugh when I talk about it. It started with restriction and got worse. Now I make myself sick if I eat bad things and it happens multiple times a week (sometimes multiple times a day) but I feel so much better after. I feel like it's not really bulimia or an eating disorder because I haven't been doing it long enough (even though I started with restriction almost a year ago, only moved on to thr... read more

Incoming long post...

I'm not really sure what to do anymore.....there's so much weighing down on me and I don't know how to relieve the pressure. Even if I could I doubt I'd know where to begin.

I literally don't know what to do. I'm failing a class (maybe even two) and it's far too late to try and get my grades up. I have no money which means no food so I'm hungry as f*** right now. I can barely focus enough to get out of bed on time and go to my classes. I feel like I mi... read more

Is it weird I like being alone and doing nothing? I really enjoy just sitting in the comfort of my home, watching tv, youtube, and reading/writing fanfic. Not getting dressed (rocking sweats and big t-shirts) is awesome. I was just wondering if I'm weird for being this way, I'm only 17 and not really into popularity or hanging out with friends. I like being alone.

i don't know if this is actually something even worth thinking about, but my emotions come and go in phases. for example, i lose passion in things very easily and if something really bad happens, sure i'll be sad for a few minutes, but after a while it feels like it ever happened. i get over things easily so i've never experienced such things like lingering attachments to the memory of special dates in my life. this probably sounds really dumb but does anyone feel that way?
#... read more

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