Long sprawling rambling ahead. Bare with me please.....
I feel like I'm stuck in limbo. Nothing is really happening, just time passing by. I am not allowed to move out with my fiancé because my parents think we wouldn't be able to support ourselves. I'm not allowed to take a break from college because my parents believe its the only way to get a paying job. I am failing because I'm burnt out and have no more motivation to do well. I've tried to get my undergrad for 6 years ... read more
Unrealistic. I thought that I should be better by now. I am almost six years clean and I still have problems. I don't understand why I've still got so many problems. I believe in God but I don't know if he can restore me to sanity. Is he really able to restore me to sanity? I don't really think he is. If he could, wouldn't he had been able to restore me to sanity by now? Doesn't he love me enough to want to make me better by now? Why doesn't he want to help me anymore? I don'... read more
I'm so done. I feel like a zombie. I feel completely useless. Neither do I wanna do anything useful. I'm a f***ing mess with a family that doesn't even try to understand my mental illness. Ever felt like wanting to die every moment of your life and then realizing that 'oh f***! If I die someone else might be affected by it and might end up with the same mental illness!'. That is some f***ed up sh** that keeps going on my mind. I can't even die because I know how sh**y anxiet... read more
Went to my old job today as a normal customer after working there for years and then not stepping foot in there for more years. It brought back so many memories and I remembered how calm and relaxed it was there underneath the small problems I had compared to my current job which does give me more money. I walked down the aisles and remembered the people I knew and conversations I had.
I also remembered a girl who was clearly into me and never asked me out but I thought abou... read more
It's actually taking me a lot of physical effort to hold it in. I want to scream and cry but I'm desperately holding it back because it's f***ing stupid and it's the early morning and I have roommates. I'm mentally ground into a processed meat, to think about anything at all makes me feel so mentally taxed these days.
ok i can't be the only person who has internally joked about trying drugs to make your bat sh*t crazy life manageable then realize, "hey i low-key could do worse" so for about 30 seconds you think, am i seriously considering doing drugs right now because that b*tch susan was being a rude hoe again?? like are we that surprised? f*ck you susan, and larry too!
So like honestly, is it normal for me to like older guys? i'm 16 about to turn 17, and the only type of porn that turns me on when i watch is an older guy (25-40) having sex with a younger girl (16-20). I feel like a pedo myself, and i feel bad when pedophiles are arrested because you can't help who you're attracted to. younger girls are after all looking older these days. boys my age are just ew to me
I'm a 17 year old girl and I am probably the most sad pathetic person that I know. There's depression, there's bipolar, there's sucidal people, and then there's me. I'm all of that mixed into one little bottle with a dash of happiness that comes out very rarely and usually only when i'm out of the house which is very rarely. I don't tell anyone, and i mean no one my problems including my bestfriend because I don't like looking weak, I don't like looking like I want or need at... read more
Usually I'm sick of the world's crap. But today. I'm honestly sick of my own crap. Why the heck am I running away from things? Bc I'm scared. BS. that isn't an excuse. F that. Who's gonna fix my crap, if not me? Nobody has ever been there to fix it. So why in the world am I waiting for somebody to come in and save me. F that. I'll save myself. F everything. The world don't care about me, and my problems. That's fine, the world has never been kind anyways, I shouldn't expect a... read more
I'm a mess.
Insecure and crazy and I know this .
Here is a list of things that's happened so far in my 20 years of life .
- my mother abandoned me at a McDonald's , forcing me to move in with my father.
- eventually he moved out leaving me as head of household with my younger brother who has mental disabilities.
- I was dignosed with severe depression and anxiety , also have two herniated spine disks and scoliosis.
- I was raped at age 16 .
- got pregnant at age 18 , miscarri... read more