Im falling in love with someone else. She's perfect. It's as if God made two of us from one single drop of water, we are so alike in so many ways, fit so well together. We live so, so far appart and i cant see her, but i can feel her. Shes gorgeous too. Not your stereotypical beauty either. Shes got scars on her face from acne, scars on her arms from suffering. She's pale, isnt too much on the femenine side in both stance and body, curls into herself from her anxiety even in the pictures she takes, but i dont care. I saw her picture and i thought she was gorgeous, i still think she is, i want to be with her so bad. I want to kiss her and hold her and tell her she'll be okay, that what her parents say isnt true, that whatever anyone tells her doesnt define her. I just want to be able to touch her, but not in a sexual way, never in a sexual way, because we've both been damaged in that department and we both would rather not even talk about it.
I said "with someone else" in the begining because i already am with somebody. I dont love them anymore. Dont feel anything past friendship. Dont want to talk to them as much as i adore talking to this girl. I want to speak to her 24/7, want to know what she is doing, want to know if she sent me a message as soon as i wake up. If she did, it doesnt matter what she said. I smile, and my day looks a bit brighter. God, i love her. I dont know what im gonna do. I dont want to hurt my partner. I dont want to make it seem as if i am ungrateful for everything they have done for me. Theyll freak out, theyll feel so so so bad. They already told me they were jealous of one of my friends because i spoke to him more than i did to them, and it wasnt even THIS friend that i love. That puts into perspective how far behind im putting them right now. But i am a bad person. Im testing the waters, see if the feeling is anywhere near mutual with my dear friend, see if she is still able to fall in love or if she is well past that and only wants friendship out of people, see if shes just not interested in me. Ill keep being her friend despite that. Because i love her. I am most definitely cheating on my partner by doing this. I feel so awful. I havent even told my friend that i am with someone and i dont want to. Its the equivalent of taking off your wedding ring when picking up chicks. I dont even know if shes a lesbian yet. Ah.... #relationshipproblems #cheating #lesbians #longdistance #longdistancerelationships