Old feelings of isolation coming back up. I can’t succumb to feeling sorry for myself again I need to keep positive and I know my friends like me and support me I think i need to be less talkative about myself and let them come to me. I know I have friends that support me. I just need to reassure myself. But I see so much of it everywhere. Everyone has a friend that sticks by their side. Maybe I expect too much of people. Yeah, thats probably it. I expect everyone to be textbook friends or textbook crushes or textbook drama. I need to wake up and realize that is not how life is. People are different and people can change. I need to make more of an effort to talk to people more about themselves and less about me. I just never really know how to start a conversation properly. It just annoys me I guess everyone seems to talk to everyone else with such ease. Slipping into conversations. I probably shouldnt be venting on this computer as someone might read this and take pity on me or something. Its as if I am split in two, I want to be pitied but I don’t cus then I will be the pity friend again who everyone talks to just cus they cried or sobbed. That was my Elementary school self. It won’t be now. I refuse. I can not do that. no matter how much I want to I cant I need to deal with these temptations to be normal. Anyways I feel better now!

#lonely