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If guys had periods they would brag about how big their tampons are.

I was gonna have sex with a friend. She has a boyfriend. We were making out, but right before we started undressing each other, I decided not to go any further, and I just left. The next day she called me to thank me for that. The honest truth is I decided not to do it because I noticed she was wearing crocs.

I just tried to brush a hair off my laptop screen... with my cursor.

Rapists deserve torture and death, heart if you agree!

Really!!? I never asked for random pictures of you posing with your shirt off and posing in your car and posing with a freakin water hose next to your truck! What is that? Please stop.

I never got sports
A bunch of guys cuddling and playing with balls
well it just seems kinda gay to me

I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

Good News: I got home early from work
Bad News: I was fired!

F*** YOU Boss!!!

I feel suffocated by life. By society, my family and friends. Sometimes I just want a release, some alone time to be able to gather my thoughts and find myself. A time where there were no expectations put upon me and I could just do whatever I wanted and enjoy myself. It's all just a pipe dream right now.

God is real= A fact.
Amen.

Well done my children (Satan)
I couldn't be prouder than if you were my own children!!! the way you spread hatred, racism, bigotry, stupidity, senselessness, and homosexuality.
creating pain and suffering, spreading malicious lies and innuendo and enticing people to follow your lead, what wonderful pupils! you do a teacher proud!!!
Hell I've even gotten to have a vacation! first time since the dark ages, so thanks and keep up the good work you funny hairless monkeys
SATAN

SHARE YOUR CONSPIRACY THEORIES!

Ever noticed how all women's problems begin with men? MENstrual cramps...MENtal breakdown....MENopause...GUYnocologist!!

I work as a cashier in my family's fast food business. And today a customer came in to order food that was worth £7. So when he paid, he gave me a £10 note, and i don't know if he purposely or deliberately dropped a 2pence coin on the counter, in which i just ignored it because i thought he did it accidently and would pick it up. So i just took his £10 note, and proceeded to give him his change back which was £3 coins change, and also picked up the 2pence coin that i saw ... read more

Just applied for a WIC because im a single father with a kid. I got a friggin breast pump with a bunch of formula. WHAT THE f*** AM I GONNA DO WITH A BREAST PUMP?!?!

OMG! There was a homeless guy trying to break into my car to steal bottles!!!

Her: I can't believe I'm half naked.
Me: No you're not.
Her: Yes, I am. My top is off.
Me: Yeah, but your bra is still on. You're more like a quarter naked... You are really bad at fractions.

How not to pick up girls: Part II

Idiot2 was sighted throwing rocks at my window aprox 9:30pm when I refused to answer his text.

Most people would realize: not answering is just a polite way of saying go f*** yourself.

I'm GAY and I want to cut my dick off and donate it to someone who deserves it.

Eat Drink and have Mary

Eat till you can eat no more
Drink till you puke on the floor
f*** to your unending delight
Say thank you Satan and have a greeeat night!!!!!!