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i think it's wicked funny when you find girls you went to school with on porno sites hahahha

I've gone braindead after watching all the "The Annoying Orrange" clips on youtube...

I'm black and I know there are a lot of rights raised for us now and people trying to help...but its so hard for me to feel pretty just because of the color of my skin and I hate it

OMG!!!! WHAT TIME IS IT!!!! My clock wasn't even set right on my computer!!!! Ugh! I am SO late!!!!

I masturbated with a candle the other night.

THE BEEF IS SO FKING UNDERCOOKED IT'S EATING THE BLOODY SALAD!

President Trump - President Trump - President Trump
He promised it ... HE WILL DO IT! Trump ... the REAL DEAL!

Trump-backing congressman says GOP will use "budget reconciliation" to repeal Obamacare in first 100 days.
Party will use budget procedure that would let them jam it through, depriving Senate Democrats of the filibuster.

GOOD RIDDANCE AFFORDABLE HEALTH CARE ACT - HELLO MY BANK ACCOUNT GOING BACK UP!!!!!

I can't wait for him to undo -EVERYTHING- that Obama did!

Am... read more

Oh my god I hear my parents OH MY GOD EW SOMEONE HELP WHAT THE f***

So my wife came up to me and said, "Take off my shirt."

So I took off her shirt. Then she said, "Take off my skirt." I took off her skirt. "Take off my shoes." I took off her shoes. "Now my hose, bra, and panties."

I took them off. Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."

Hi I am a thirteen year old boy and I think I am very healthy. Last night I fell asleep on my stomach and then all of a sudden my crotch got tingly and it felt kinda good so I slept like that. This morning I think I peed myself but it was really white and sticky. Someone please help me! Am I sick?

I'll be honest with some of you boys out there,
Some of us will never find true love.
If you're fat
If you're ugly
If you're acne prone
If you're not fit
If you're not attractive
Maybe you'll find someone who likes you for you, for your personality...... But whats the f***ing point in that?
Won't you always live with the fact that knowing you're not with her because you're not attractive.
What if some motherf***er with the same personality walks in except..... He's attractive... read more

Are you ready kids? AYE AYE CAPTAIN! I cant hear youuuu! AYE AYE CAPTAIN! Oooooo who lives with a GPA under a C? CO-LLEGE STU-DENTS! Who's living with stress-induced anxiety? CO-LLEGE STU-DENTS! If wanting to drop out is something you wish. CO-LLEGE STU-DENTS! Then take a long nap and watch some netflix!

-✨🌧

Escort makes $7000 a night where do I sign up

Whether you like it or not, if you are a man who has grown up in the United States or really any Western culture, you have picked up some aspect of toxic masculinity. This doesn't mean you are a rapist, but it probably means you have been taught to objectify or underestimate women at some point. Own it.

But seriously, if you're going to steal someone's idea do it at least with a grain of dignity. You had no idea what I was going to incorporate into the story to get Asriel into that position to begin with. Your fanfic has no buildup and no style. You can't cut straight to the action, that's not erotic that's desperate. Everything in your story is out in the open to begin with, nothing is left to the imagination except what f***ing shouldn't be. My story has subtlety and nuanc... read more

I have a theory that there are more conservatives than liberals on muttr. I have no particular opinion on this. I am merely curious to test it.
Heart this post if you are a conservative, laugh at it if you are a liberal.

people are screaming OMG ONLY TWO GENDERS!!1!

but no. there are infinite genders.

proof? go on facebook, go to your profile, tap "About", tap "Contact and Basic Info", edit "Gender", choose "Custom" and LITERALLY TYPE ANYTHING YOU WANT

What would republicans say and do if hillary was president and Chelsea and her husband were her closest advisors? What about Chelsea getting top secret clearance and an office but somehow avoiding nepotism laws? Would you buy Chelsea Clinton boots at Nordstrom or boycott them after her mom flipped out on twitter?

There's a gay guy in the office who keeps looking at me. So I'm not gay but I think I might let him suck my dick.

I have no problem exposing dirty information about you don't make me cause if you do you're gonna be sorry you ever f***ed with me