Acedia says

Keeping a secret is so much easier than making them understand.

  • 2h
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  Acedia says

My irritability, I'm assuming, is caused by the pain I feel- physical pain. My joints wouldn't cooperate, every move I make aches.

And I don't know why I don't tell anyone. I see it as more of a hassle than help tbh

  • 2h
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  Acedia says

I am tired and angry and sad- and I honestly did not want to feel like this but I am.

People tick me off. I cannot fake trying to be happy and not ticked off. I say things I may or may not mean just out of pure spite or emotions.

I did not want to feel like this. But I just do. How do I make people understand that?

  • 3h
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  Acedia says

What's the criteria I should meet so the pain I'm feeling right now would matter?

Do I have to have a panic attack? Do I have to cut? Do I have to faint from all the crying? Tell me. What do I have to do so people would take me seriously?!

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  Acedia says

I was told that I had too high expectations for people.

I apologize, I didn't know expecting people to be kind, considerate, and not rude was suddenly 'too high.'

I always thought these were basics for proper humane living. I guess I'm wrong.

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  Acedia says

God, this feels horrible. It's almost hilarious!

She has told me so many times that I was so special to her, that I was the only one who she tells her secrets to.

But no. She's an absolute liar, and I can't believe I let myself get strung up like that. I'm not special- not too her.

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Acedia says

My brother asks me why I don't get paranoid whenever I get sick, or feel something physically hurt, or when a random animal bites me.

Other than researching symptoms online before panicking, I honestly don't care whether or not I live a long life.

He said I should care more about myself, but I only smiled. I still do, don't worry. But I just thought that dying so early doesn't seem so bad?

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Acedia says

I am not against the LGBT community, to be honest I really support them and their rights, I even fight for them at times- but if it comes to me- the thought of liking the same sex or any other gender aside from the opposite feels very distant and almost impossible.

I was really scared when I liked the person with the same sex as I was and I got really mad at myself. I avoided them as much as I can and convinced myself that "No you are not like that."

... read more

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Acedia says

Did you ever have a friend who hurt you unintentionally so many times?

Like you tell them about it, they apologize, but they unintentionally do it again. You come to realize it's just how they are.

You want to get out of this friendship. There were times you were convinced that being hurt that way was not worth the pain.

But when you're not being hurt, when you two are having fun and are spending time together... you convince yourself th... read more

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Acedia says

Honestly, some people are just insensitive.

I guess it's forgivable if it's not on purpose, but why on earth would you hate on something in front of someone who likes it? Why would you say that someone's being too negative instead of trying to help them?

You are allowed to have opinions, but why do it in front of someone who you know will either get ticked off or hurt or offended? Do you enjoy how they react? That's low.

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Acedia says

Right now I'm being haunted by those stupid voices in my head.

"You will never be successful."
"You will never amount to anything."
"You're ugly."
"No one will love you for you."
"You will fail at everything you do."

If you're the same as me, remember:

Don't listen.

Look at the mirror and tell yourself: "There's still hope. I can still make things happen."

Then start making things happen.... read more

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  Acedia says

Right now, I'm taking a college course I am not passionate about. Well, that's not entirely true. I hate it with a burning passion-- so I guess that still kind of counts?

Anyway, not a day goes by where I don't regret my decisions. I am forced to learn something that I know I can probably understand enough to pass, but truly won't appreciate in the long run. What's worse is I will be expected to stay in this field after I graduate and for the rest of my working c... read more

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  Acedia says

Both my parents have poor eyesight, so I don't have to worry about them seeing my cuts.

My brother on the other hand, I let my guard down.

Luckily he believes that it's cat scratches.

Lying isn't good, I know. But they won't understand yet.

One day, I'll tell. I promise.

  • Dec 10
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  Acedia says

When did feelings and emotions suddenly become a competition?

"I'm sad." "Well I'm sadder."
"This makes me happy." "Forget that. This could make you much happier."
"I'm so angry." "Oh stop being petty, there are things worthier of loosing your temper."

Isn't this just someone undermining how you feel? Like your emotions aren't valud unless it's the worst/best thing that could ever happen to you.

Don't listen to them. Your fee... read more

  • Dec 10
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  Acedia says

I know people are busy. I know people have more important things to do. I have to understand why they aren't responding to chats and texts.

But it feels so lonely and it just hurts touch that I can't even manage to move out of my bed.

  • Dec 10
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Acedia says

First thing in the morning and the feeling of hopelessness

Keep it together. Face the day. This will pass. It will be fine. Keep going. If something goes wrong, try your best to solve it, and even if it's not solved and you have to move on- keep going.

We may or may not like how this day goes or ends, but one thing matters- we'll survive

  • Dec 7
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Acedia says

My groupmates were seriously able to sleep soundly and leave me alone to work on our barely even started project that's due today

I'm so mad-
And just- how? How could they do that so easily?

We're all stressed, I know but- isn't unfair to just throw all the stress on me?

  • Dec 7
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Acedia says

I don't know how people can live with themselves when they know their actions could lead to someone's suffering.

  • Dec 7
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Acedia says

I don't know how people can sleep so soundly when they know someone is hurt or having a hard time, specially if that someone was close to them

  • Dec 7
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Acedia says

Group projects purpose is to teach teamwork or whatever.

But look, it's 1 am
And I'm doing it alone

My groupmates are probably snuggled in their bed right now dreaming about the grades they will get but obviously did not deserve.

  • Dec 7
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