Acedia says

It's sad that I can't tell my parents about how much I hate this course and how much it's making me unhappy.

I know I'd come out as spoiled. My mom didn't have a choice when she was in college, and yet she graduated with flying colors.

I want to just drop out and maybe work in retail, at a fast food chain- wherever workplace that would accept me. Just none of this anymore.

  • 6d
  • 1
  Acedia says

The world is not kind to my feeling of self-worth

  • Feb 4
  • 0
Acedia says

Re-reading my journals from two years ago, there was a line:

"Dear God, I know you are kind. If so, please take my life away. I'm tired."

And I felt like crying, because He still hasn't... and the world has yet to change.

  • Feb 4
  • 1
Acedia says

Two of my friends want to die and I don't think I can handle it.

Both are asking for my help, and I'm trying honestly.
But they're not getting better
One doesn't care if they leave me alone
The other doesn't believe me when I say I know how she feels
And it's scary
And I'm not getting better too

Two of my friends want to die, and both don't believe I do too.

  • Feb 4
  • 0
Acedia says

I still believe they deserve better

  • Feb 2
  • 0
Acedia says

What leads people to believe that they aren't worth it anymore? That they aren't worth saving anymore? That their problems are ONLY THEIRS to carry until the very end?

Whatever it is, it needs to stop.

  • Feb 2
  • 1
Acedia says

You don't have to deal with someone like me okay? My problems? They shouldn't be yours- or anyone else's. I don't want you to be involved with me because you don't deserve this- You deserve someone so much better.

  • Feb 2
  • 0
  Acedia says

There are moments that make me believe being alone is muchore easier than dealing with the pain others inflict on you unintentionally.

  • Feb 2
  • 0
Acedia says

My best friend and I had a fight. The reason initially was because I couldn't go to the mall and accompany them.

I just found out that that wasn't the only reason. She felt like I wasn't hanging out with her anymore. She brought up the fight we had when we were in high school.

"I was the one who apologized then, it's your turn now."
"If you think this is going to go the way you want it to, then you're mistaken."
"You haven't changed at al... read more

  • Feb 1
  • 1
  Acedia says

I need an opinion. Any opinion at all. My friends and I are fighting and I honestly don't know what to think of it. This will be long, but if you take the time to help me through this, then I would be very thankful.

We were supposed to meet at a mall, they said their classes ended by 6 and that they had some errands to run before. I would usually go their at the time they specified, but at one point I had to wait for them for an hour, so I decided to not leave ea... read more

  • Feb 1
  • 4
  Acedia says

They aren't nearly deep enough.

A part of me is thankful because they won't leave a scar that way
A part of me is not satisfied, because I deserve something much painful than this

  • Feb 1
  • 2
  Acedia says

CRAP CRAP CRAP
NO NO NO
f***

I WAS OVER THIS
NOT AGAIN PLEASE NOT AGAIN

  • Jan 29
  • 1
  Acedia says

Tomorrow I'll buy a cutter.
Then I'll feel better.
I'll be able to control these stupid, unnecessary emotions.
And everything will be under control again.

Screw it.

  • Jan 29
  • 2
  Acedia says

I need a cutter. Screw it I need a cutter. I need something sharp.

I dont care. I dont care. I dont care.
I DONT CARE.

  • Jan 29
  • 0
Acedia says

I mean, I'm not really suicidal.

But I do want to die.
It's sometimes too hard, it's sometimes too painful, it's sometimes just too empty

So yeah, right now... this life doesn't seem worth fighting for

  • Jan 27
  • 1
Acedia says

It gets harder and harder to talk to people as the days go by

  • Jan 27
  • 0
  Acedia says

Sometimes you realize you're too tired to try and fix it anymore.

You wish they realize it's their turn to try.

And now you just sit there and wait for them to make a move, even if you know there's a small chance of it happening.

  • Dec 29
  • 1
Acedia says

I feel less and less important as every single day passes by.

Maybe I'm not important.
Maybe I'm just a worthless, useless pile of nothing.

  • Dec 26
  • 2
  Acedia says

It hurts to be mediocre; you know you have the skills, the attitude- but you're not good enough.

  • Dec 26
  • 0
  Acedia says

Haha, dying seems like a great idea right now

Seems less painful

  • Dec 26
  • 7