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nise099

986
19 year old Female
Joined Jul 2016

Once upon a time I was sweet and innocent... Then shit happened.

Muttrs by nise099

I'm thinking about killing myself. I'll never actually do it, I'm too much of a coward. But the thoughts wont stop.

I'm dating my best friend. Since the dynamic's changed I haven't been sure on how to address some things. Today things are escalated and I have to have this conversation. So, instead of attacking and throwing around "You did/didn't/are/aren't" I decided to talk to him like I'm talking to him about someone else and use "I feel like.." which I think helps.

Oh f*** off. I'm tired of your sh**.

I'm slowly realizing that there is no good time to say something you know is going to ruin what's in front of you and damage it beyond repair.

I have a lot of mixed feelings that I don't know how to deal with. My best friend was a man named Dave, he was 63 when I met him at the ripe age of 14. We were closer than me and my grandfather and we quickly adopted each other in out hearts and minds, not legally. As time went on we would open up little bits and pieces to each other and I learned a little about his daughter. I met quite a bit of his family and friends and we became almost inseparable. He died almost three ye... read more

I go back and forth between thinking everything's all rainbows and butterflies and that things are going to be okay and thinking that this is the end and nothing can save us. Maybe it's the bipolar talking and I'm just imagining things but I feel like it's more about the vibes you give off. I mean really, I know it hasn't actually been that long but c'mon!

I love him. I really am head over heels in love with this boy who infuriates me and makes me question everything about myself and pushes me to do what he knows I can and makes me love myself for me. I love him because he isn't just another guy, I love every piece of him, even when he's in a bad mood I love the way that you can catch a glimpse of the fire, and the way that when he cries his eyes turn a honey color and when he's nervous he adjusts his hat but not his hair and t... read more

*ADVICE PLEASE*
I need to have this conversation that I've seriously been putting off for a good week and a half now. I need to express these concerns and I just don't know how to honestly it's one of those situations where I need him to know my thought process. I have anxiety and am highly insecure and need him to know that it's not him. I just don't know how to say these things to him, he makes me so nervous.. I love him too much to not explain to him though. Please help me... read more

They say to date your best friend, now I see why. I've been so concerned that I might be push him away while I deal with all of this that I've accidentally been pushing. But he knew that. And the space that I thought he was taking? Was actually him giving me space, though I would rather have the attention, it warms my heart that he knows me better than I know myself sometimes. And now that I know it's not him taking space, I'm not so afraid to tell him all the things I've bee... read more

Spew your lies and your hate, love. Go ahead, just don't do it here. I don't need the petty drama. You are doing nothing but causing problems for me and my boyfriend. So, here is my farewell to you, instead of sinking to your level, I'm simply and gracefully saying goodbye and moving on with my own life. I wont say hateful things about you because honestly, you just aren't worth my breath. Have a nice life.

Tonight's the night I'm going to lose him, I have to tell him what's been going on, I can't keep these feelings bottled anymore. I have to tell him that I feel hurt and disregarded. I feel like he's been ignoring me. I can't even remember the last time we kissed, or had sex, he doesn't say goodbye to me, all effort that has been put into this has been from me. And now? Now I can't just sit here and put in 100% while he does nothing. So, tonight, when I confront him, he's goin... read more

My mom pointed out the line of guys who would kill to get with me.. I never realized how many there were. I really just don't think I'm worth all that. Sometimes I'm like "I'm awesome and everybody wants me" and most of the time I'm like "Meh same pants 4 days in a row with interchangeable tops? sure! Nobody cares anyway!" sometimes I think "I don't need makeup, I'm beautiful" And mostly I'm like "Ew, my face needs to be replaced."

I am slowly slipping into a depression that I know that I wont be able to come back from.

My mind and heart ache. Tonight will be detrimental... Tonight I'm going to tell him how I really feel and talk to him about everything that's been going on. I'm honestly kind of scared.

Gonna try not to fall apart today. Trying, but no promises.

My boyfriend up and disappeared last night, no text or call and I got worried wince this new girl he works with is very all over him and I know he likes the attention. We haven't been very affectionate lately and so I was worried, but I left it be. He says he was alone all night, but I don't know if I believe him, it's just a little coincidental that they both were unreachable all night.

I think I might be depressed.. But someone who is functioning... A functioning depressed girl. The words feel kind of nice. Admitting it feels pretty damn good... I guess I'll go back to my corner now.

A 19 year old and a 13 year old? And I'm the bad guy for calling it to attention? What the f*** could they possibly have to "talk" about. Yeah, I'm not buying your stupid "innocent" act anymore sweetheart, you need to leave him the f*** alone. You are 19 and you know better.

We started out friends and I know that things were complicated, trust me I know they were but we're together now. I mean it's great and all, he sleeps in the bed with me, he makes plans and 98% of the time they include me before I even know about them, he's making plans for the future with me, he even is buying decorations to put up in the room which I will now start calling our room instead of the room when we talk since it's been a month that he's slept in there every night... read more

*ADVICE PLEASE*
Okay, awkward to ask this but... Any advice on how to make cowgirl/reverse cowgirl better? I'm fairly heavy set, I stand at 5" 9' and weigh about 200 lbs, and I haven't had a lot of experience in the guy department due to me being fairly shy and quite self-conscious. So Here comes the part were I ask guys and girls both, Tips and tricks please!!!! Or just sex tips in general.. please :) and thank you in advance!

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