tabris says

I keep getting reminded of my failures. Oops.

  • Jan 2
tabris says

I'd really like to confide in someone privately right now. Muttr usually suffices, but this is something very personal and I'm not too comfortable with posting things that aren't just vague thoughts. If there's anyone willing, I'll be really glad.

  • Dec 9
  • 16
tabris says

Whenever I decide that I've had enough and need to seek out professional help, the next day I immediately feel good. It's like my entire being is trying to keep me miserable.
I finally managed to write down the contact for the psychologist, though. Maybe I'll actually manage to send her an email.

  • Dec 5
tabris says

It feels weird to have people cry for me.

  • Dec 2
tabris says

I want my childhood back. I feel as if I had grown up too fast, climbed up on the metaphorical ladder, only to fall down again, but it's not the same. I am not a child anymore. It's gone forever.

  • Nov 25
tabris says

I can only make myself skip meals at school. Over the weekend, I just... give up and eat, eat too much, and it makes me feel sick and disgusted with myself.
It'll probably be easier once I move out because there will be nothing keeping me from indulging in my self-destructive habits.
(Or maybe finally having control of my life might make me get a grip. Who knows.)

  • Nov 18
  tabris says

How easy it is to mess up a child for good... I can't help but wish I had never been born. The thought feels so good, so peaceful.

  • Nov 17
tabris says

It's probably for the best.
Maybe if everyone leaves me, I can learn how to be fine all alone.

  • Nov 16
tabris says

I haven't been using this site much lately. I've been busy.
I'm trying to learn how to write and use it as another way to learn to articulate my thoughts properly besides Muttr. I'm able to write sentences I find pretty but I still seem to be incapable of putting feelings into my writing.

  • Nov 9
  tabris says

It's 6 AM. I haven't slept at all. Whenever I stop reading the fear returns. I wish it was just sadness, that's easier to numb.

  • Nov 4
  tabris says

I feel so paranoid. My whole body is tense.
I can't help it, it feels like everyone has lied to me. I wish to be alone.

  • Nov 3
tabris says

When I... Stop, when I just sit down and stop, I don't really feel human. I don't know why does it keep happening.
Has anyone had a similar experience?

  • Nov 3
  • 14
  tabris says

Recently, I've been thinking about humanity, for the lack of a word that would describe it all. I'm so very torn on the topic, as I want to keep my fragile, emotional, human self - my flawed thinking - all of the pain that has shaped me to be who I am today - I strongly believe that you shouldn't abandon your humanity, because it is a gift. But lately, I feel as if something within me broke. Sometimes, I can feel the difference - I can feel this detachement from the outside w... read more

  • Nov 2
  • 0
  tabris says

This is the first evening in quite a while that I haven't spent on Muttr. It feels pretty good.

  • Nov 2
tabris says

I'm feeling lonely tonight. Maybe I do need to talk to people. Maybe I shouldn't close myself off all the time.
I want to be able to open up to people.

  • Nov 1
  • 6
tabris says

Maybe it's good that I'm taking a break.
I'm scared of having to function properly again, though. I'll have to be a tangible, productive person that others talk to once again. I'll have to not mind the loneliness.

  • Nov 1
  • 1
tabris says

My middle school experience was sort of hilarious, thinking back to it. I was completely detached from everyone.
I didn't get bullied much compared to some of the other kids so I don't think there was much malice in their actions. Maybe confusion?

  • Oct 31
  tabris says

I cannot recognize "normal" behavior. I'm trying to research it, in a way, but everyone tells me vastly different things. Some people think I appear normal, some people seem... Sort of fascinated by my behavior, maybe? I've been told I don't truly belong into this world.
There are also people who think I'm weird and hate me for it. It's confusing.

I'm opening the replies for the time being because I'd appreciate any advice. Maybe what I wrote is a bit too v... read more

  • Oct 28
  • 6
  tabris says

Father, anger won't fix anything. I'm sorry that you've never matured past that mindset, but I wish you were self-aware enough to not let it affect others.
You are selfish.

  • Oct 26
tabris says

Sometimes, I can still feel your hands on my body.
I don't hold it against you, but I wish I hadn't been so cowardly, so scared. So starved for any sort of love.
I was just 14. I wish life hadn't f***ed me over.

  • Oct 25