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There's not a moment that I don't think about you. When you're not intensely in the foreground, you're there in the background.
And the realization that I'm alone in this hurts so much.
The realization that I'm missing you to tears and you have no idea hurts so much.
Tears without witnesses. Tears without consequences. Just me wearing my eyes and my heart out. It's time I turned this into something useful. I f***ing NEED to turn this into something useful, something beautiful... read more
I feel so lonely. The only real friends I have now are my mother, my sister, and my step-brothers (who I only see once a year). The one friend I had stopped talking to me altogether, who I practically trusted with my secrets, and it makes me feel so unwanted. Whenever I make plans with 'friends' at school, I always get rain checked. My old friends go to different schools and don't talk to me anymore. Why don't people want to be my friend? Am I just that unlovable? I used to h... read more
Every single person in my family has problems. My mother has anxiety and depression due to three children and various close relatives staying I with us and being a single mother ain't so easy. My grandmother staying with us has depression and heart problems and she can't communicate very well due to a language barrier. My aunt has underlying mental issues and she had a violent breakdown last year. My father has narcissistic personality disorder but he doesn't know it. I feel ... read more
Her choosing me over better guys is like taking a $5 bill over a 50. I'm ugly and poor, he's hot and rich. I have no friends, he is the most popular guy in school. I love her, she loves me, and that guy is always trying to take her. She doesn't know how good she can have it. Im going to kill myself so that she can be happy.
I had another breakdown. I hate being home because I get lonely, upset, mad etc... Every time I come home I get yelled at or slapped. That's why I stay at my friends house but now my mom (not my biological mom) is telling me that I can't anymore so here I am. Crying again in the dark. Idk what to do! Please! Advice!
I try to make everyone happy, I really do. It might not seem like it sometimes, but I just want to make people happy. And sometimes I mess up. Sometimes I disappoint people. And I'm sorry if that makes it seem like I don't care, because I do. It's just really hard to please everybody. I've tried so hard to make other people happy, I don't really know what makes me happy anymore. I don't know if I do what I do to make myself happy or to make the others around me happy. I try s... read more
I absolutely HATE it when my mom forces me to go to church. Yes, I do believe. I just hate how the people of my church like to gossip. You say something and it spreads like wildfire. Everyone and they mommas know what you did, and judge you for it. Then, the things they preach about do not relate to me. I feel like all I do when I'm there is wish I was at home instead. I rather go to a youth group or something, with people who will keep your secrets, and actually give you goo... read more
Hey mom after a long time i really gotta say this...
Your a stupid little b**** i wish i would smash to pieces. You are a huge disgrace to me you lazy hypocrite basterd. You didnt get a job after three or two years you sit there saying watching over my little brother is your job. Tch. You make me want to vomit and kill myself you make me sick then after that i have to forcefully pay you 160 dollars every f***ing week even when i get paid 350. Then the f*** s*** behind it all... read more
So i like the guy who I sits next to me in math.
Turns out he has twin brothers. The younger one is hitting on one of my best friends.
I don't really talk to this guy, idk why. I'm just normally stressed out from math there hahaha. But he's so amazing and friendly like wow.
Hes also a football player. So yay.
But st the same time whenever we do talk it's normally between this group of four we have. Me, him, the guy behind him, and the guy behind me.
I am NOT a pretty gir... read more
Okay so, I'm getting tired if bed bugs, this really sucks.
We had a renter who brought bed bugs home from his girlfriend's house, and a coupoe months later, he left.
My parents don't want to use their money on tenting the house because they're embarrassed of having people know we have these horrible pests, and also because they're paying for so many things right now, including a new car.
After he left, my mom did an extreme clean out, but they've come back. They're climbin... read more
Im so tired. When is it gonna be my turn? 6 months? A year? More? I am so sick and tired of everyone looking down on me and everyone thinking im below them. I have literally saved lives, i have saved someone from homelessness and i protect everyone i know but when its me lying in the floor beaten and broken everyone just leaves. How the hell can everyone iust leave me? Noone ever stays, noone ever tries to do anything besides telling me to be happy when i cant. Im still broke... read more
I got called a freak today because our conversation turned to feminism and my mates thought it was weird that I was a feminist who took time out of my day to educate myself more. Up until this point I didn't realise how s*** my friends were. They added in some gay slurs to top it off because I'm obviously a 'f**' if I want f***ing equality for everyone. Bastards.
Book bag just got stolen. Had my math scratchwork notebook(half used) a pen, and a pre college orientation textbook. I left it on the bus, but came back for it. It was gone. Could be wrong i guess, the bus driver coulda put it in a lost and found or something. Trying to feel something right now, but i dont.
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