I'm terrified of my dad. I told him that once and he yelled at me and refused to speak to me or be within a few feet of me for more than a week. That's why I can never tell my parents anything because I feel like they'll lecture me or yell at me, or since the subject is on my dad here, won't give a sh**. I'm sixteen. I've been trying to study to learn how to drive but my dad expected me to know how to drive by watching him drive. He thinks I can do that. And my parents always say that I can't get a job until I can drive there and both of my parents refuse to help me. My dad is narcoleptic and seems to think that he's so sick that he can't leave his rocking chair. He sits there all weekend and every afternoon watching TV and drinking beer. He wouldn't help me. And I know a lot of you are probably thinking, "just ask him! Just talk to him!" I tried to do that a few weeks ago and he yelled at me, saying, "I told you I was proud of you yesterday when you got a gold at your singing thing!" (ISSMA) but here's the funny part, he never did. I know my mom tries to understand me and knows that dad is acting unreasonably but she's too scared to tell him because he yells at her too. Whenever I do something he doesn't like, he blames her - like she's the main parent, like she's the one that's supposed to reprimand us. A few days ago, he told my mom that she was "babying us," when she said she was going to pick us up at the end of the driveway after school, and dad said that she should just make us walk to the house. It had just snowed the night before and the snow had turned to ice. I used to love my dad to death. I used to be around him all the time, but now it's like he's disappointed to have a teenager as a daughter. As if all teenage girls are a pain in the a**. He thinks that I have no common sense but he hasn't heard me say more than a few words in so long. He used to be proud of me when I played basketball. He went to all of my games, but it took me a few months to realize that I was the worst player on the team, every girl on the team hated me, and I was competitive enough to improve. So when I told my dad that, he seemed so disappointed with me. When I was a kid, my dad constantly tried to teach me how to throw a softball. He tried to teach me how to shoot layups and free throws with our basketball hoop. But when I realized that my heart lied with show choir, jazz choir, musical theater, and color/winter guard, it's like he stopped caring. He hasn't been to one of my show choir competitions and I've been in Show Choir for four years. He never saw any of my color guard/ marching band competitions. If my parents had allowed me to stay in Winter Guard (long story) he probably wouldn't have seen me perform there either. It's like, I have to be an athlete to impress him, but that doesn't appeal to me. I don't dream of shooting hoops or throwing softballs or throwing footballs. I had nightmares about that. I had hallucinations (don't laugh, I really did) where my basketball team would be in my room practicing and they would be yelling at me to "get up! You have to practice like the rest of us! Do your part!" and I would keep saying, "I can't! I'm too tired!" (then I would realize that it's 3 AM and there's no one else in my room) but when I'm on stage; when I'm doing a parallel with a six-foot flag, I feel like I belong there. And my dad doesn't seem to care. I came home once, with an award for "best female solo in a show" out of almost 30 choirs! And I was so excited to show him but instead, he mumbled, "cool. Good Job." and went back to watching TV.
I graduate in two years. I'm supposed to be learning how to drive and I'm supposed to be working at some fast food place or whatnot to earn money but no one will help me. My dad thinks that I need to do these things on my own but it's not like he ever taught me how to balance a checkbook or deposit or withdraw money or keep a credit/debit card. It's not like he told me how to drive a stick or drive a car. He did none of that. And he expects me to know. What happens when I go to college? That's why I've been talking every day about college and graduating because I'm terrified! I don't know what I'm going to do when my parents aren't there to help me when I really need it! Because my mom is the only one that will ever help me anymore. I have trouble dealing with stress and I have been developing anxiety but I can't tell my parents because they'll either flip out, laugh at me (my dad has done that before) or tell me that it's just a phase and that I'm on my period (my mom said that one).
I don't know what I'm supposed to do because I know that I should be doing something to learn how to drive, get a job, raise my grades, be a part of something that will look good on my application but I can't do it alone! And I'm too scared to ask my parents! My dad won't ever give a f*** about me and my mom will just lecture me for a good half-hour. That's at least better than my dad "watching me drown and yelling 'learn how to swim!'"