Idk what I'm feeling right now.. I don't really want to kill myself but I think about it everyday.. Having an affair with a crush I've had since middle school and sometimes I don't feel bad about it but other times I feel like I should just die because of what I'm doing with my life.. I never wanted to cheat and I never wanted my crush to be the one I cheat with, I wanted to actually date him, to have a relationship.. I'm such a coward to end my current relationship tho since I'm married... But i know now I wasn't ready to be tied down and i feel like I shouldn't exist so both of these men can have better lives without me f***ing everything up....