It's f***ing killing me not knowing if i made my girl upset at me today. i know i should've used different wording for what happened at school today that involved her. i hate that she has no wifi at her place and she doesn't have a personal phone nor do i. its killing me not knowing if she's upset with me or someone else or for what happened...i hate having this OSS ( out school suspension) sh** and not be able to hangout with her at lunch and keep her out of f***ing trouble. she's on her last f***ing strike with the high school and she's only a freshman. i f***ing hate this. i hate not being with her. i hate not knowing what's going on. i feel like breaking down and crying because my mind is doing a mile a second trying to figure out this sh**. no matter how many times i read what she said before going offline on our google doc it still doesn't make it clear. i f***ing hate it! i just want to smoke weed or a menthol vape or drink wine or something to get my f***ing mind to shut the f*** up and calm the f*** down...