Female, 15, ny, probably ace? dunno too young too care about relationships for hypothetical reproduction that I dont even want because i dont want children nor sex and also im too high maintenance and unstable to handle relationships like that and am too young to know my sexuality anyway.
i have short hair but am a female and although im not constantly asked, im often asked if im trans.
i consume a lot of media. i partake in becoming involved with the shows, books, hip online media I choose.
my main fandom is rick and morty, although i dont interact with anyone in the fandom. i just find the characters relatable sometimes. the show is okay.
i constantly worry about my future and im pretty sure i dont have one. all my grades are in the nineties, but im afraid something in the future will change this. im also poor. im not sure if ill be going to college. i want to, but i probably won't be able to, with my luck. i also dont know if ill make it that far so.
im an aspiring artist. i draw cartoonish humans, and they arnt anime humans either. ive never watched an anime.
i hate my art and im in that endless cycle of "well if you dont draw you wont get any better" to "drawing but your drawing sucks" and it just repeats. i need something to do or else id sleep all day and ponder my meaning, and drawing fits the "hobby" space. i also dont like my characters and my friends say "well if you don't like them, change them so you do." its not that I don't like the way they are i just have a problem with them because their a product of probably all my bias views on the world from my awful mentality. also nevermind they are sh**y. they have so much backstory that it bores myself. at least they have flaws. so many.
i would not say I'm suicidal. I do not cut and would not cut. although, sometimes I do often just think about ending, I can be glad to be alive, but do not want to live forever.
So all in all I just have a huge problem with myself and constantly make that a problem for everyone else so good luck