Men know how to oppress, they receive the manual of oppression from day one at birth. Everything in culture, media, religion, male social behaviours etc teaches them how to treat women. They know what to do in order to obtain what they want and expect from women. This doesn’t require knowing about the whole system of oppression, so most of them don’t know about the system of oppression, and don’t have to, as all they need to do is apply the protocol. Men are very much conscious of what they’re doing, they just think it’s the right order of things to treat women in this way. Just as with how parents / fathers think children should be beaten to be “taught respect”, and that animals should be domesticated and beaten too. They’re perfectly aware of what they’re doing and why they’re doing it (to obtain obedience and authority over) and don’t see anything wrong in it.
Women aren’t the recipients of this knowledge of how to dominate, and we are manipulated, tricked and lied to about men’s intentions. Men make great efforts in masking their strategies of violence, and blaming women. So yes, we may notice that we’re hurt, but not know why, and believe that something’s wrong with us instead. Most women don’t in fact notice why all their exes never respected them, why there’s this ongoing pattern of being rejected by men once she “slept” with them and then trauma-bonded, etc.