You guys. I'm going to church tomorrow. but I'm terrified. when I think about it, it's because I never felt like I really belonged there. Idk, it just always felt like I was being judged? Like they didn't like me, and I didn't know how to talk to them? It's been a couple of years, and it's just...idk, I have this ball of dread in my stomach. I don't really want to see anyone there that I know. But I know they'll be there, bc it's a small community, and everyone that was there when I went, will still be there. There isn't anyone I want to see, let alone have to sit with them for >1 hour. It just feels so...frightening. I'm honestly terrified. I mean, it's almost like they smile, but it's not real? Like they're smiling bc it's the polite thing to do, but they'd rather not? Idk. Thinking about it, is stressing me out. And I know that's not what church is about, but, I mean they're going to be there, and, idk what I'm going to do. I'm going to have to act like I'm happy to see them and it's going to be a lie, and I mean, that's not good?! idk. man, idk, but i'm freaking out.