I think challenges really destroy my enthusiasm for faith and belief in God. Why should I have any challenges to deal with? My life is hard enough and I think things are not fair. I think God abandons me or has abandoned me. I'm mad at God about my childhood and the things I had to go through. I'm still knowing he exists but I'm still angry at him for putting me through that or for letting me go through that. Where is he and why isn't he here making me feel better? I thought God loves me, so where is he? I can't understand why the hard things get to me. Why they drag me down. Why I can't feel God sometimes. I think I find it so hard to believe when I just can't sense God is around and I feel so all alone and hurt. My anger takes over me and I don't think about God at all. The only thing I know are my emotions then and there. That's all I give a sh** about. f*** God, when I'm angry. f*** everybody! I don't need God! I don't need anybody! I am mad and that is all I care about.