Try and remove God completely from the equation for a few days. See if that makes any difference at all. Think of it as a short vacation from religion just to help you focus on everything else.
I don't know what you had to face, but I can see it has left scars on you and I'm truly sorry for that.
It is so hard to trust something you can't see when the world around you and its events are so ugly and unfair, right? Hearing that God is kind and loving can be painful sometimes, especially when you feel like he isn't there for you, that he doesn't care about you. But that's not true. He does care, a lot.
I need you to understand that you cannot blame God for the consequences of somebody else's actions. As someone who had a not so glorious childhood, I emphatize with your wrath, but trust me, God has never, not even once, abandoned you or me.
Unfortunately, I don't have the answers to why bad things happen in the world, but I can guarantee you that God isn't happy with them either. Because he cares and loves you so much, his heart aches along with yours. Although you can't feel him, he is always by your side. Always. Forever.
Remember what Jesus said at the cross? "My God, why have you forsaken me?" We all ask God the very same question, at some point of our lives. Jesus knows exactly how alone you feel, because he has felt it on his very own skin. He understands you. If there's someone in the world that can actually understand your struggles, it is Jesus.
He's such a kind, warmhearted person. You can be real with him; you can open your heart and let him know how angry and hurt you are, he will understand you. Please pray with an honest heart and know that he won't judge you or get mad at you. He's like a friend who will never leave you. Just like his father, Jesus cares deeply about you, I mean, he even got nails scars on the palm of his hands... that's some proof of love right there, man.
I know it can be really hard, but keep on praying and trying to feed your faith. Trust God even when you feel like you can't breathe under this ordeal. I'm sorry that you're having a hard time, but you can find rest and comfort in God. He loves you and wishes the best for you. Let him in, dear.
I really hope God helps you figure things out and heal your scars. I'm sure he will.
(I'm not sure if this is helpful at all, I'm sorry... I just really emphatized with your post and felt like I had to say something. Once again, I'm sorry if this isn't helpful.)
God isn't real. Better to rip that bandaid off sooner than later. Your life is so much better when you realize you are the one in control of what happens to you, not some space fairy.