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20 year old
Joined Apr 2017

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Muttrs by mylife

I read all the comments from my previous posts and in my mind I know everyone's right ...he's an unappreciative scumbag and I deserve someone better who will love me who will put me above all no lies and no secrets ...and I know that .
But my heart doesn't understand it still wonders how you could hurt me that bad , why you could look me in my eyes and lie.
My heart still aches and pain is beyond anything belief .

Anyone know any good books to read ?
Need to keep my mind busy .

Sitting in my car outside my job trying to stop crying .
Trying to make myself look like I haven't been crying for three days .
Trying to pull myself together ...
But it's been about 30 min and I can't seem to do it .
My heart is beyond broken and I don't know how to deal with this .

Day #2
Still can't stop crying
Still feel like you ripped my last will to love right out my body .
Still wishing you would just love and hold me

My heart is in pain.
Every second that passes feels like eternity , being able to feel the disappointment and betrayal harder and harder .
Feeling my own stupidity and sorrow .
I quash I could just run away and make the pain stop

I don't cope well with silence
I need answers and I need them now .

OMG YALL aren't gonna believe this one ...
Sooo I knew my stupid a**h*** bf had been texting and snap chatting this girl and I asked him about it two days ago (after noticing her name pop up for about a month now) he said it was some girl from HS who insisted she knew him and he just ignored .
I was desperate and remembered her @name so I sent her a friendly text and she was so sweet and replied that they work together and that he was helping her out with relationship advice ... read more

I just don't understand ?
How tf is EDC/doing drugs/drinking more important than taking care of your own child and being with someone who actually loves both y'all ?
I've grown to love and accept his kid and I've encouraged him to start school and get a drivers lisence and helped him get a better job...all to find out he's been planing to go to EDC behind my back, and has been talking to some b**** that raves too .
He's a real piece of work really . Especially since his birth... read more

Wow .
As hard as I try to get up , my attempts are shattered by agony and distress .
A wave of sadness over comes me and forces tears to rush down my face .
I'm stronger than this , but not this on top of family problems ....Not alone

How pathetic of me .
How I keep refreshing my phone in hopes that he'll try to contact me... that maybe he will realize that he actually does love me and apologize and kiss and cuddle me .
I wish he'd keep his word, I wish I didn't feel so stupid and powerless

I feel so stupid .
Can't even f***ing stand walk or breath without it hurting .
I try to speak and al that comes out are tears.
Your fine .
Already planning on your next .

And from its pain and sorrow my heart just might explode .

I'm just tired of life .
Since day 1 I've been rejected unloved and unwanted ....some would say "how do you know if you were just a baby?"
Well I never stopped hearing what a disappointment I was to my mother for being a female and not male. As she was expecting a male baby.....up until the day she abandoned me and left me to be taken care of by my father ....where I grew for a few years until he found a new family leaving me and my brother alone. From there my sister disowne... read more

After everything I did for you .
After I accepted and cared for your child .
After I changed myself for you .
After I fell completely in love with you .
Even after I promised myself I would never love another man again, you somehow convinced me you loved me . You convinced me that there was hope for love ....
Now why is it that I'm crying alone , with our unborn child I never told you about (bc i have a condition that will most likely end with a miscarriage) you chose drinkin... read more

When you want something the most it's when it's the more impossible thing to get .
All I've ever wanted since I was a child was to have a real family .
Mother father and children all love eachother and happy .
I know it's a lot to ask for but yet it's such a simple thing .

When you want something the most it's when it's the more impossible thing to get .
All I've ever wanted since I was a child was to have a real family .
Mother father and children all love eachother and happy .
I know it's a lot to ask for but yet it's such a simple thing .

Never thought life would be this hard .
Never imagined I would end up Ike this .
Never even asked for it in the first place .
I just want it to end

Have y'all ever just been so tired .
Your body shakes heart aches and you feel like your mind is slowly commanding you to stop breathing ...
Like you keep crying out for help but it never comes , everyone around you laughs and all you can do is cry.
I feel empty, lifeless .

Seriously considering going back to a therapist . Just need to vent to a stranger about my stupid sh**y situation .
I'm currently sitting alone at a IHOP close to crying bc I was left here and have no where else to go

My sister has decided she is staying over my house for the weekend .
I repeat MY HOUSE.
And all she's done is yell at me nag me and tell me how irresponsible I am .
I've told her kindly to go to her own house if she's so uncomfortable in mine but she refuses to leave .
Soooo I guess I will have to leave my own house till she decides to go .


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