MyLife says

You are the reason I want to live ,
But,
Also the reason I want to stop living .
Don't know if I'll ever be the same again , you took so much from me I'm trapped , if I leave I know I'll fall into an emotional spiral if I stay I'll continue to have this feeling of pain, betrayal, regret....either way is no way to live . Both ways I'm miserable .
Never fall in love , it'll be the death of you .

  • Nov 2
  • 1
  MyLife says

Grew up the middle child in a broken family .
My mother left us when I was about 10...my sister couldn't take it and moved away when I was about 15, at the same time all the trauma and abusive made my brother go crazy, I contained myself trying my best to help him...suppressing my own depressions, 18 my father left us too for another family. Now 21, and finally all these suppressed memories and emotions are coming up like throwup.
I never knew love, never understo... read more

  • Oct 13
  • 1
  MyLife says

Obsession ?
Is what they called it .
I'm obsessed with you....not you, you...but the thought of you . The thought that you were once my everything, the person who I could count on and the person I knew loved me more than anything else...someone who would never hurt me...so I thought.
I was so afraid to tell you about our mistake growing inside me, but you laughed and said you couldn't be happier to be the father to my baby.
Two weeks later you left....... read more

  • Oct 12
  • 2
  MyLife says

The voices inside my head are getting louder, harder to control . They won't do what I say anymore .....I'm actually terrified, bc they aren't me....I know there's more to life than they say....But as time progresses they get more and more demanding.... "it won't last long just swerve your car into the wall" "it's not like anyone will be hurt there's no one around" "Nobody love you anyway" louder, louder. I try and drown them out by loud loud music but that's not even working... read more

  • Oct 12
  • 1
  MyLife says

I hate myself .
I hate myself .
I hate myself .
Looking at you all I see is betrayal.... I see you sleeping with her. I see your lies and I know you think I'm stupid ... but hey I guess I am . Constant fight inside my own mind one side screams to get away I deserve better and I need to respect myself enough to be on my own . The other side abnoctiously fires back with the fact that he is the love of my life, people can change and I need him to live .
S... read more

  • Oct 12
  • 1
  MyLife says

What if I can't handle it anymore ?
What if I slip ?
Just slowly end it all ?

  • Aug 28
  • 2
  MyLife says

My therapist has a lot of work to do w/ me lol

  • Aug 28
  • 0
  MyLife says

I'm crying ,
Because I know I'm going to kill myself with this decision .
Crying because this could build me up or completely destroy me .
But if I don't try then what ?

  • Aug 28
  • 0
  MyLife says

Everyone around me sees happiness , everyday I smile laugh and joke around....talk to everyone and make everyone happy.
No one sees that I wake up every morning and use every last bit of strength to get up out of bed, no one sees the pain and agony I suffer every day...they don't see my heart broken into a million pieces or the fact that I don't want to even be alive.
All happy, all the time...
They said that if I pretend long enough I myself will believe it... read more

  • Jul 15
  • 0
  MyLife says

Everyone around me sees happiness , everyday I smile laugh and joke around....talk to everyone and make everyone happy.
No one sees that I wake up every morning and use every last bit of strength to get up out of bed, no one sees the pain and agony I suffer every day...they don't see my heart broken into a million pieces or the fact that I don't want to even be alive.
All happy, all the time...
They said that if I pretend long enough I myself will believe it... read more

  • Jul 15
  • 0
  MyLife says

I hate myself . I hate myself . I hate myself .
I look in the mirror and all I see is a sad pathetic excuse of a human staring back at me, eyes full of sorrow and I could feel all the physical and mental abuse.
Looking into the mirror , I see a broken female who's tired of putting on that fake stupid smile, who's exhausted every last ounce of strength trying to pretend.
I see loneliness that could kill. I could see the light almost burned out
And I abs... read more

  • Jul 5
  • 0
  MyLife says

If I could tell you how much I hate you ...
express how badly I wish you could feel the immense pain and depression you've bestowed upon me.
Deliver the rage and unexplainable fear coursing through my veins .
Show you the level of misery you established in my every last breath,
You ruined me and I want you to feel it too

  • Jul 5
  • 0
  MyLife says

Everyone keeps saying I'm ok, I repeat this to my self everyday...over and over , "you're ok, you're ok."
But no one really understands, no one knows...not really anyways

  • Jul 3
  • 0
  MyLife says

It's like I have two completely conflicting personalities...a constant fight with myself.
On one hand I'm sad pathetic empty and alone. While the other hard cold and emotionless.
One second I'm a mess the tears rolling down my cheeks and emotions heightened feelings of sorrow,pity, being alone surround me as the emptiness of my heart calls out for help...
Then just like that blink and eye and the sweet numbing sensation takes over my body, my heart hardens a... read more

  • Jul 3
  • 2
  MyLife says

I just want to sleep forever .
Have all my pain lifted away

  • Jul 2
  • 1
  MyLife says

I walk around day by day hoping someone will see through me, someone will help me...but no ones a hero, no one will help.
Just slowly slipping away into my own sorrow and depression.
It consumes me and eats away at my soul.
Dead, empty inside .
I cry myself to bed only to awake with nightmares of what you've done to me.
Help. I try to reach out to you, you turn away and look there's another one of your s***. smh

  • Jul 2
  • 2
  MyLife says

My heart beats so fast I'm afraid everyone around me will hear it too.
The mask I wear is wearing thin, stare at me too long and you'll see the pain and sorrow storming inside .
I'm afraid It's all over now.

  • Jul 1
  • 0
  MyLife says

Nightmares still haunt me.
I don't feel much anymore, blissful emptiness.
My heart still craves you're affection, but is quickly reminded of all the bs you put me through , and I'm reminded of all the emotional,physical, and mental abuse you put on me.
You've literally taken everything from me, just left me dead inside .

  • Jul 1
  • 1
  MyLife says

My dear ,
One day I hope you wake up and realize the stress and bs you put me through.
I prey that you feel every ounce of pain I did.
I want so badly for you to know that you are the sole reason for our daughters death. And that you are the reason I'm dead inside, I walk around with a smile on my face to hide the fact that you left me completely empty, cold....the numbing pain just lingers in my soul and heart.... while I know you're just ok , But when you ... read more

  • Jun 27
  • 1
  MyLife says

Now , now I can say you've taken everything from me .
My heart soul. And now even my will to live .
Bleeding and alone, doctors said it was my stress anxiety and depression....
They said that all of that together the baby just gave up.
I have you my world and more , and you just destroyed me....
You walked away when I needed you the most.
LIED about everything and you feel no pain.

  • Jun 23
  • 0