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20 year old
Joined Apr 2017

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Muttrs by mylife

My boyfriends training this weekend
He just texted me that he fractured his knee... but they're still making him finish the training .

Ok first off before I start this rant know, I love having patients and I know I have chosen to work in this industry, so I knew the ignorance of people going into it...BUT.
PEOPLE ! 1. Understand that pharmacys are NOT doctor offices ! I can NOT give you medication without a prescription from a doctor! 2. Understand that I can not do anything about you taking your drugs "too fast" or "losing them" ESPECIALLY if they are controlled. It is against the law for me to give you any... read more

Last night the so last night the computer system was acting up and kept shutting down and back up ALL day so many technicians just walked out... I felt bad for the pharmacist so I stayed to help him, they approved over time hours which was good, but people are sick, they need they're medicine and I understand that but no one was understanding that with only TWO people in the pharmacy: the pharmacist doing his best to review and type in orders with the system booting him out e... read more

My insurance sucks.
Work hard everyday, and probably over pay for it.
Medicaid says "I make too much money" to have it, but do I really ? I'm a 20 year old full time student / worker , taking care of my younger disabled brother and his mixed with my own medical bills and other monthly living expenses at this rate will have us living on the street soon .

I'm afraid that I'm falling back into a bad place. I can feel myself sinking back, alcoholism and drugs is what I used to do to help cope with all the pain inside...
haven't done that in 4 years.... but I'm scared that I'm falling back, I haven't done anything yet but my depression is at it's highest it's been

To the people who think I still love my ex,
You are absolutly correct. But also absolutly wrong.
I'll always love him in a sense that he was my rock in life for so long, and I spent so much time energy and effort into him.
I also do not love him because of how abusive he was, because of how damaged I am now because of him, because even now two years later he still hurt me...he put a video of me on his Instagram, in the video he's talking sh** about me and at the end he sh... read more

How is it that I've worked so hard to keep myself afloat and out of depression, just so it would spiral back and hit me like it never left.
Every suicidal thoughts creeping itself back into my mind, every killer word that people have said to me is spining round and round repeating it's deadly self, everything I've pushed to bury and forget is coming back up and I'm suffocating in my own dispaire.
I've tried to ask for help, and it seems it only makes things worse.
Realizing t... read more

Just in a depressed state ,
My boyfriend left yesterday for training
All week he's been a complete a** to me and I drove to his house on Tuesday so we can have one more night together before he the night progressed he asked me when I was planning on leaving wtf I've spent the night at his house numerous times why would he ask me to leave ? Anyways as I was putting my shoes on to leave I guess he felt bad and pinned me down and told me to stay, I told him ... read more

Does it make me a bad person if I never want to drink do deugs and go out and party like most people my age ?
Seems like I get the most sh** for not doing this and rather reading a book or enjoying a night in .

Easter 2017,
So I worked on Easter....
My sister came and visited us and we were suppose to go eat breakfast. We all met at my house, and when she came into the house she saw that my father and I were lightly arguing over something that I don't even remember anymore... anyways she started screaming at me and saying how I'm always starting drama and that's why nobody loves me, and went on to say I'm the most pathetic person she knows and that I don't ever care about the family... read more

In my highschool years ,
I was pretty much bullied all 4 years.
See freshman year this guy wanted to date me but I already was in a relationship so I respectfully told him but since he was a "popular" kid he got angry and decided to tell the whole school that we hung out and I tried to have sex with him but he said no and I supposedly slept with all the junior and senior "popular" guys to get back at him... so all highschool I was called a s***, hoe, skank, anything really. N... read more

With every month that passed I get more and more afraid of you hurting me .
Almost like I'm waiting for the time you'll leave me just like everyone else in my life .

Another random ,
Guess tonight's just a feelings type of night.
My boyfriend has a lot of baggage and I knew this starting off.
to start off he has a 2 year old son(which he didn't tell me about until about three weeks after we started talking) he was a really heavy drinker and a "raver".
I met him at a rave, but told him right away I was NOT a raver and I was forced to be there. I told him I'm an unsociable person who is awkward and has trust issues. He laughed and said that... read more

When I was age 15,
Have y'all ever seen you're father cry ? Or your mentally disabled brother beaten by a cop while you so stupidly just freeze and watch ? Well if not here is the story,
I remember I loved to dance, it was where I could clear my head and not think about my parents divorce. On this particular day I desperately needed to go but my mother was working. (Yes, I foolishly believed my mother had changed after she abandoned me 5 years before this and was staying one ... read more

To my ex,
I hope you're happy knowing you literally took everything I have.
From material things such as money to my emotional sanity. I didn't deserve what you did to me, but than again I was the one who so stupidly tried to stop you from leaving in the first place, I stopped believing I was beautiful, I stopped believing I was worth respecting. You made me a possession instead of a person. Most Every pay check I got went to you, and with the little I had left would be just ... read more

Another random feeling ,
So it's about 2AM
I'm alone in my dark room and all I can think about is my past. Why did it all happen to me ? How come I haven't just ended all possibility of getting hurt again ?
Idk, it's hard to explain because yes I'll admit that I've thought about suicide plenty of times but deep down I still hope someone one day will love me for the way I am, broken, and damaged.
I know I get upset easily and have a hard time trusting, but all anyone ever need... read more

Just a random thought ,
How come there is always one person that loves more than the other ? And how come that person is usually the one that's been hurt the most ?
There's a lot of reasons why lots of people would not be happy in my situation, but all I crave is love. Yet no matter how much I love and appreciate him, I can feel it's not the same

When I was age 16,
I was in a bad snowboarding accident broke my right arm,leg, and damaged my insides which the doctor said I now had little chance of pregnancy .
-Age 17,
I misscarried.
After that I was abused verbally and physically by my boyfriend at the time and he would always tell me things like "Leave me and what ? Ain't no one want damaged goods." Or "you are the reason your child is dead." And for a year I believed him, for a year I was so depressed that I wanted to... read more

When I was age 15,
I met who I thought was going to be the man I married. (Y'all will hear about him a few times this will just be the over all of what happened and why we broke up.)
I loved him because he was there for me when I needed someone to hold, someone to cry to. We loved eachother for the first two years and then at 18... he lost his job and so I got him in with me and working together I started realizing that he would have his "best friend" over all the time I didn... read more

When I was age 14,
I was raped. That's right I foolishly trusted an adult age 25, to this day I still see him around sometimes cringing at the sight of him. This lead me to being a heavy drinker and going out everyday to try and "drink" away the hopelessness I felt, and blur the pain


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