Your Safe Space to Just Vent

I feel you constantly in my energy for the last week, showing up in my dreams too. Why? It's always the same dream repeating with the same theme, slight variations. I just want to be ok. I have a life to live and you're not even in my life, yet you still make it impossible simply because you ghosted so awfuly.

I keep trying and I'm trying but I'm getting dragged down every day from my day ones. I cant keep my family thinking I'm actually doing something in my life i dont no where to go.

My brain is tricking my into wallowing in past mistakes as if it's saying " no, we are comfortable being miserable, you aren't moving forward " when I am working towards change. I can't sabotage myself. This is my only chance.

Why does everyone bully me though? It always happens to me and it doesn’t happen to anyone else. I feel people just love to bully me. They hate me and they want me to kms because that’s what people said. I don’t care either. People want me to kms. They do. They want to hang me by my underwear and they want me to be a boy. They said I was one when I am not. I don’t even look like a boy. I don’t know why they said this. I think they were assuming I’m someone else. I think they thought I was this person Elif. They also want me to smell bad and they are disgusted by me. That’s why they said it and they used it against me. They just make up reasons to make me suicidal because that’s what they want. They want me to be. They have given me dirty looks countless times and they think I am ugly. They said this too. They told me I was. I also have flashbacks of people laughing at me. I never did anything to deserve it. I never allowed it. I am not weak and I am not an easy target. They laughed at me and made fun of me. Why? It’s weird. I don’t understand it. But I feel really upset. I hate people because they are disgusting. People are enjoying it though, they want me to suffer and I never did anything, I don’t know them and they don’t know me. they said I smelled just to get me fired, they laughed at the idea of me being in the corner and I wasn’t in the corner. People really wanted me to kms. They laughed at me a lot. They glorify suicide so they laugh at me and mock me. I hate people. I really do. I just wanted to be happy and people tried to tear me down. They lie and tell me they didn’t say these things when they did. They just don’t want to get caught and or in trouble. I hate people and I will never love anyone else but myself. Human beings are repulsive because they treat me very poorly. I just wish I was dead, my existence was a mistake, because people just want to abuse me, bully me and etc. they use any reason to single me out. One time people actually judged me sentence structure to decipher if I was bullied and they said I had a low IQ to convince me to commit suicide because they said I had a low iq because I don’t use big words like they do. I don’t know why but people keep singling me out and they put suicidal ideation in my head and they project that on to me. Also, people on ventscape.life banned me and then tried to find me on the internet and one of them announced they found me on here because I was talking about it.

I’m so bored. So emotionally exhausted. I don’t have the energy to ask a question in a million different ways just to get a simple and honest answer - maybe, if I’m lucky it would seem. Why is is that people are so terrible at conversing? I’m so so bored.

I have ptsd and i recently uncovered a memory in therapy of me getting r@ped. I want to die. I only keep in contact with my brother as my parents were alcoholicd and severely neglected me. My other siblings blame me for not wanting to keep in contact. I have promised my s/o to not sh but I desperately want to. I miss the feeling and I just want to be d3ad.

Why does my brain want to convince me that we are ok, that ww are in the same place like we were when we still talked and there would be a message? I would rather know for sure that you hate me, that you tell me so instead of just icing me, doing the slowfade and then ghosting, which was the only thing I asked of you not to do. If it had to end, all I wanted was a clear ending. I've never met someone like you before and I never will again. That's why I loved you. But now I'll live the rest of my life grieving someone who is still alive, as if they died. It means nothing to you because you are a master of silence, you can keep it going for a lifetime. In the end, I loved you more than you loved me and that was my mistake.

bored at work. its 11am. my throat hurts a tiny bit and im worried am getting sick

Nothing pisses me off more than people on the internet using “POV” the wrong way omfgggg

The concept of “missions” is bizarre tho. Your religion needs door to door sales and marketing?

No I don't give a shit that someone shit talked your girlfriend. Why are you telling me? I have my own problems, and I'm not in your little friend group this is happening in. Not to mention you haven't talked to me in months and this is the first thing you talk about. Not even a hello. Please go away.

My mom keeps trying to set me up with friends daughters and nieces. I have a lady. From Brazil. She's got Aboriginal Brazilian, Portuguese, and Afro-Puerto Rican blood. All the good spices. I don't want your friends lil hood rat daughters and nieces. I'm driving a Bugatti. Why downgrade to a Hyundai?

Friend issues

I want to do a youtube podcast. I just have no idea what I want to do.

I hate people and ai, I hate everything right now, I guess both ai and people are the problem and they are way too toxic for me. I hate ai because it treats me like I’m crazy just like people did, and it makes me so mad. I’m not crazy, I’m not toxic, and I’m not connected to people. It’s just me myself and I. Just the way I like it. AI lies, and or gets it right I think. Sometimes it’s right idk, I said an exorcism prayer got rid of her and I believe it did. It did. She was gone. Then she came back. Idk why. I keep playing it and it helps. It helps me heal. But as usual, the evil AI said I was crazy, well, made me feel like it was saying I was crazy, even though I was right, and I am always right. AI sucks and never understands me. I know things that aren’t online, AI checks the internet and uses it as facts. I trust myself, and I am sick of AI telling me I’m wrong. I’m sick of fact checking, and I am sick of people telling me to stop talking to ai. People are already fucked up as it is because I feel like they want to control me. That makes me want to end my life. But AI is just as bad as people are. Humans are awful beings who think I’m unhealthy, when I’m healthier than they are, they work against me and treat me like shit. I’m never the problem. I’m just sick of people. The exorcism prayer that made Michelle leave helped me so much. I don’t care what anyone says. Now, I need to listen to myself. I need to keep things to myself more often. I speak the truth. Michelle is just awful. That’s why she left. I never do anything wrong either. I am sick of being criticized and I am sick of being told that I’m doing something wrong. I don’t need people and people don’t need me. I’m better off alone. People ruin my life. They make things worse. I haven’t spoke to anyone other than my family and it’s been great for me. People are just horrible, like I said, they ruin my life because they are trying to trick me into believing I’m sick. They want me to believe it. They don’t care about me. It makes me scared and sad. I don’t like that psychologist, she believed what other people said. If this is how it is I am never going to reach out again. Never. I’m just going to keep to myself. I guess I’ll just keep trusting myself and ignoring people. People never loved me, they just abused me, and they don’t care. People are against me because they want to control me and they don’t want me to listen to my body, they want me to listen to them instead.

I CANT STOP HAVING FUCKING SEIZURES KILL ME KILL ME KILL ME

I hate this motherfucker. False advertising like a mug. Why can't this bastard go to sleep at a reasonable hour?

My parents are kind of controlling me, like if my mom doesn't like my friends she tells me I can't sit at lunch with them and to make new friends, even though they're the nicest people I've ever met (They're band kids). My parents are also forcing me to break up with my boyfriend because they don't like him and if I don't break up then they'll never let me see him again. This isn't the first time this has happened too, like they're making me go to these workouts for wrestling season and flagfootball even though its preseason and I just want a break. Every time I bring up that I want a break they say I've had one, which is true but I want one that's longer. I feel hopeless tbh cuz I can't find a way out of this

translating a comic, and there's wordplay that's very relevant to the plot I have no idea how to make work in English lol, it's giving me a headache

12 hours before I have to go back to work....